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the simply raw

[ website | she's elecctric ]
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relationship status: pending [Jun. 25th, 2009|09:29 am]
the simply raw
i guess that's that.
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(no subject) [Jul. 1st, 2008|03:52 am]
the simply raw
why don't i care?
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(no subject) [Nov. 18th, 2007|12:02 am]
the simply raw
eric just wrote me a letter saying he fell in love with me.

(no subject) [May. 17th, 2007|01:16 pm]
the simply raw
i thought moving on would be the best decision for me.
my heart doesn't seem to agree.
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(no subject) [Nov. 30th, 2006|12:06 am]
the simply raw
we'll be leaving for vegas friday morning...

...and never coming back.

oh if only.

i'm so over school and work. i'm going on a well-needed vacation...of course, right before i have to stay up and entire week wired on hazelnut coffee studying for finals.

i'd like to run far, far away holding his hand the entire time, find some place cozy where we can cuddle up under a foot of blankets and hide. we'll meet in our dreams where the real world can't find us.

i keep wanting to write these disgustingly gushy entries, but when i sit down and type i start daydreaming half-way through them...
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(no subject) [Nov. 21st, 2006|01:13 am]
the simply raw
we'll be having dinner with his uncle -- someone he admires and respects very deeply -- tomorrow night. i've only had one other boyfriend and his family was all the way on the other side of the country, so this meeting of family is new to me. sure, i meet friends' families all the time and they love me, but it's different with a significant other's family. it always is. i just want to make the best impression ever -- especially with family who has traveled from far away because i might not see them again...or for a good while.

the seriousness of this relationship is starting to unravel. he's introducing me to family, he sometimes comes to church with mine, he talks about me to his friends, and well, i talk to you guys, we're taking a weekend trip together, we're seeing each other more frequently, he even jokingly slipped in a "if we ever get married..." sometime in conversation (not in a way that showed he was actually thinking about it, but it's nice that he's comfortable enough to say that without being afraid of freaking me out).

the longer this relationship progresses, the less time i am able to spend without him. it's a scary thing wanting to be with someone that much. it's a scary thing to love someone that much. but it's scary in a good way.
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(no subject) [Nov. 15th, 2006|12:45 am]
the simply raw
he said he was ditching lab today to hang out with me but he wanted to finish up his work so he can drop it off at his professor's office when i went to class tonight. so i went to his apartment after i got off my morning shift and i took a nap in his bed while he worked on the rest of his homework.

when i woke up he was asleep next to me looking sweet and angelic. i couldn't stop staring at him. i mean, i had to pee real bad but i just layed there and stared, admiring every feature of his face. the point his big nose comes to, his plump, red lips, the soft curl in his brown hair, the retainer glued to the back of his bottom front teeth that makes him "sh" his s's a little. everything about his physical features is perfect to me. from every pimple to every pore to every birth mark to every hair on his legs. perfect.

i slide my finger over the softness of his lips before kissing them and trace the angle of his nose before biting it. i rub the stuble on his cheek before brushing my cheek against his and push on his adam's apple to see what it does to his voice. i stare at his smile and sigh at the way he closes his eyes when he thinks i'm cute.

he's the most attractive boy i've ever loved and that's not the only thing he's got going for him.

i agreed to spend the afternoon with him, not letting him know that i had two 6 page papers due tomorrow and i haven't started on them yet. today's our 4th month together. he sacrificed a class so i sacrificed time i could use to work on a paper. and now it's 11:40pm and i have yet to start on my first paper. i've just been writing here daydreaming...oh boy...here we go...
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2006|02:21 am]
the simply raw

but boy am i still terribly in love with this gangly behemoth.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2005|12:53 am]
the simply raw
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]

dear you,

i'm not sure what i should say or even if i should say anything at all. i'd like to think that i'm over you by now. i should have moved on, and believe me, i want to. back when we were first going crazy about each other, i was putzing around on livejournal killing time and (call me a stalker) i read old entries of your livejournal. but that's what you do when you can't get enough of someone. you want to know everything about them -- how they are, who they are, who they were. i read entries you wrote before "us", entries you wrote before you even knew me, entries you wrote when you first started your journal. i caught a few entries of you talking briefly about your ex, wanting to find love after her but feeling hopeless. remembering that, i know you must know how i feel right now.

it's not a longing for you. it's a rememberance of us. it's rememberance of a love i once had...a love that i yearn for. not you, but the love itself. the love is personified through you because you were the only love i knew...if that makes any sense. so i remember you in our fondest of memories and i hold dear the softness of your lips (they were always naturally and perfectly moisturized). i don't even call you my ex-boyfriend when i talk about you from time to time. still knowing you are, indeed, my ex, the letter 'x' has so many negative connotations to it, and i'd like to keep the memory of you positive. i find myself using the term "my boyfriend at the time."

it's the loneliness i hate and yet everyone i encounter just doesn't seem worth it. ever since you swept me off my feet, i demand every boy do the same. show me you want me. come and get me. fly across the ocean for me. i dare you. no one has been sweetly persistent or darlingly aggressive enough to warm the heart of the ice queen. but at the same time, there hasn't been anyone who's caught my attention strongly enough to hold it. i've always been one to never show interest until interest has been shown to me first. it's not a rule, just the way i work. i am really open to love...i'm just...a little cautious about it. the boys that do catch my attention, i usually dismiss as one who will break my heart...even before knowing them. i just run myself in circles here.

i now wonder if anyone can make the cut. you've heightened my standards for love so much that even you couldn't live up it to yourself. as you seemed to grow weary, so did your efforts in making me feel loved, and i indirectly demanded more from you and threatened to leave if they weren't met. i was never really going to leave you...and i never thought you would be the one to leave me. you seemed like you never would.

i always wanted you to be cautious of what you said. you jumped so fast and fell so hard, i couldn't react in time to catch you. i tried to keep you from saying "i love you" too soon. everything you said was said too soon. "love, marriage, forever." i tried to stay level-headed in the beginning, i honestly did, but the giddy little girl in me longed to hear those words. those words that kept me secure in your arms. and you did it. you swept me off my feet. i started falling.

your spark flamed so quickly. and when mine started burning hotter and stronger, you began to burn out when i began to burn bright. that's when my flame ate yours...and that's when you doused our flame with the coldest of water.

i do understand it. i've analyzed it all. and with all the thought and crazy, winding "coulda, woulda, shoulda's," it all boils down to one thing: it wasn't meant to be...plain and simple. i just wished we didn't speak of forever so much for me to hope for it.

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(no subject) [Aug. 10th, 2005|02:36 am]
the simply raw
scar tissue is never as sensitive to touch as its former skin. my heart's covered in it.
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